GROUND BREAKING NEWS, I GUESS

In ground breaking news it seems that there is a story spreading around local coffee shops and in downtown restaurants’ that a local blogger that we won’t mention (the one with the red nose, blood shot eyes and beard) has been getting his funding from a local businessman who we won’t mention (his name rhymes with Daisy with an M) and that his ‘cancer screenings) are a way to so solicit funds for his trips to Double Vision in Clifton Park.  I want to tell you right now that I have no hard proof of this but the story is getting more steam behind it every day.  He has also posted on his site that Saratoga Citizen is behind (a.) funding Lee Harvey Oswald. (b.) Saratoga Citizen cut Ted Kennedy’s brakes before going over the Chappaquiddick Bridge and (c.) That Saratoga Citizen has buried Jimmy Hoffa’s body under the monstrosity ‘Tempered by Steel”.  I guess that Big Sugar told him to demonize Saratoga Citizen any way he can, it may be worth $20,000.00 for him to go a little more overboard, that might be why he was wearing an aluminum foil cap with a 6” antenna and hopping on one leg on Broadway the other day.

Mayor Johnson will officially open the Waterfront beach this week.  He will cut the ribbon so you can drive up to the property.  You may not swim, boat, raft or go water tubing yet as the place isn’t finished, as a matter of fact it’s only about 20% finished, and this is after our Little Caesar Mayor Johnson told us last year it would be complete by May of 2012.  He was waiting and salivating hoping for a lawsuit to feed his buddies in Glens Falls but since there was no lawsuit he got a little behind (now don’t think dirty, not that kind of little behind).  Here it is the end of August and he will open the beach for swimming from Nov.1 thru March 31.  I just can’t wait until he cuts the ribbon for the Grand Opening of the Public Toilets in the Spring.  Saratoga was #2 in Some Great City Magazine for best ribbon cutting for public toilets in the lower 48. #1 was a his and hers igloo in Nome.

Well it’s time to go out and do some crime fighting or look for Tamara; I bet that makes you all happy.

If you can think of anything else that Saratoga Citizen is responsible for let me know.  The one about Saratoga Citizen making blouses for Mary Zlotnik with those plunging necklines is already taken.